Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Why I can't have kids.

I've had a crazy week, and I just want to relax. So I decided to write a kind of funny, random post. At least, it will be funny to me.

So without further ado, reasons why I can't have kids (yet).

1. I haven't finished Ina May's Guide to Childbirth.
2. If I went into labor, I'd be thinking more about arguing with the OB/nurse about letting me have a natural birth than actually having the kid.
3. I would force my child to eat when he/she wasn't hungry, so that I could breastfeed in public.
4. I haven't convinced my fiance that he would be in charge of diaper duty.
5. My cat doesn't like to share.
6. No one has sent me a copy of the parenting manual yet.
7. My mother-in-law (to be) would probably move into my house as soon as she heard I was going to have a child.
8. I just told the census that only two people live in my house.
9. My camera can't hold how many pictures I would take of my growing belly and the child once born.
10. I would be more interested reading mommy blogs, abortion rights blogs, and other blogs than spending quality time with a child.
11. I haven't decided if my child will be bilingual, trilingual, quad-lingual, or just bajillion-lingual.
12. I would have too much fun taking my child to rallies and marches.
13. I'm waiting for tantrums to come with an "on/off" switch.
14. I'm also waiting for men to produce breastmilk so I don't have to do all the night feedings.
15. I've yet to find a company which offers a return policy if I change my mind.
16. I would spend all my money on babywearing wraps because I can't pick a favorite fabric.
17. I don't think people want to read me tweet about poopy diapers and puke.
18. I don't want to tweet about poopy diapers and puke.

There you go! Some of the reasons I can't have kids.


  1. 19. Because you are capable of murdering your child before he/she is born.

  2. If that's a reason not to have children, then you shouldn't have kids either, Anonymous- because you are capable of such too. As is the rest of the world.

    Of course, this is assuming it's possible to murder someone before they exist. Not sure the time machine has been invented to do that yet.

    Though I'm curious- if I were to get pregnant, do you think I should abort, since you believe I shouldn't have kids?

  3. You were my runner up for the Kettle Cuisine!
    Please email me at thenotsoperfecthousewife at with your mailing address so I can pass it on to the Kettle Cuisine company

  4. "Though I'm curious- if I were to get pregnant, do you think I should abort, since you believe I shouldn't have kids?"

    no, absolutely not.
    I meant I hope you do not get pregnant in the first place, because you do consider abortion/murder as an option for yourself.

  5. Anonymous, abortion is an option for all of us. You too have the option of abortion, assuming you are able to become pregnant. Just because you choose a different option doesn't mean you didn't have the right to abort.

  6. Do you think Jesus was pro-choice or pro-life? Do you think He would condone abortion?

  7. I think Jesus was pro-choice and pro-life. I do not think Jesus was antichoice, if that is what you were asking.

  8. CP,

    Repent, the devil is speaking thru you.

  9. In the Name of Jesus Christ Our Lord. Begone satan! Begone!

  10. lol oh god, it's a jesusfreak. jesus would definitely have wanted women to die through unsafe abortion, especially since he loved people, what better way to show love than to allow someone to die. what unique ways of showing love he had. perhaps we should all become barbaric!

  11. Someone on here is being called a freak because of their love for Jesus and as someone who puts the word Christian in front of their name you don't even defend a another Christian? This is how I know you are a fake.

    You have stated before that someone should not shove religion at others in spite of you using it in your title to fool women into thinking abortion is OK with most Christians and with Jesus. You don't believe in talking about your love of Jesus with others but you believe in shoving your agenda at young women. If you truly loved Jesus as yourself, all your reasoning would come back to him but it doesn't.

    Abortion is the ultimate barbaric act. Someone dies everytime a woman has an abortion. Jesus loves the people being aborted too.

    Calling someone a Jesusfreak who loves Jesus is a compliment. When He walked our earth, people saw him as a freak as well.

    If Christian Prochoicer loved Him as she claimed, she would not be pushing the abortion agenda.

  12. Anonymous, I take Jesusfreak as a compliment, so I'm not sure why you want me to defend anyone (you too said it was a compliment).

    I do not think that labeling myself as a Christian is shoving religion down your throat. I do not want to fool anyone, but open people's eyes to the truth. It seems that at least half of Americans support abortion being legal, so I'd say a large number of Christians are prochoice (as, last I heard, most Americans were Christian).

    Why do you think I don't believe in talking about my love of Jesus? I do- as long as the person I'm speaking with agrees to the conversation.

    Abortion is not a barbaric act, though it has been around since 500 BC0 long before our Christ walked this Earth. Women used plants with abortive qualities so much that the plants went extinct.

    I'm not sure what the "abortion agenda" is, but the only thing I push is equal rights.

  13. Murder and rape were around before Christ too. The sin's longevity doesn't make it more right.

  14. I don't believe I claimed that longevity made abortion right.

  15. For some reason, I thought you were pregnant before I read this post haha....must have been someone else on twitter :P