Friday, January 21, 2011

Blog for Choice: What is choice?

Today is Blog for Choice day. While there is a question that has been put out by prochoicers for us to answer, the antis have come up with what they consider a clever "come back" in which they ask "What is choice?"

Well, why not answer that straight off the bat?

Definitions of choice on the Web:

* the act of choosing or selecting; "your choice of colors was unfortunate"; "you can take your pick"

When I say I support choice, that means I support each individual woman's ability to make a decision (after being informed of risks/benefits) about how she is going to responsibly care for her pregnancy.

When she first becomes pregnant, that usually means she is choosing between having an abortion and giving birth. If she chooses to have an abortion, then she gets to make a decision whether she wants to have a medical or a surgical abortion. She gets to choose the safest clinic setting for her (I would like to see there be no Hyde amendment forcing women into clinics like Gosnell's) and has someone she trusts to provide whatever she needs (driving, food, hugs, whatever).

If she chooses to carry to term, then she gets to make a decision about whether she wants to use a midwife or an OB/GYN. She chooses between a homebirth, hospital birth and birthing center. She chooses whether to have an all natural birth, whether to use an epidural, whether to be induced.

Towards the end of the pregnancy, if she has chosen to carry to term, she must make a decision about whether she wants to keep the infant after birth or give it up for adoption. If she chooses adoption, she gets to decide if she wants an open or closed adoption. She gets to choose which adoptive family her child will become a part of. If she chooses to raise the infant herself, she gets to choose her parenting style: will she breastfeed, co-sleep or babywear?

Of course, there are also choices to be made before a woman becomes pregnant. She has to choose what type of contraceptive (and I include abstinence among them) she wants to use, for instance.

As you can see, choice is about so many different things. But in the end, it really all comes down to supporting one thing: Trusting women to make the best decisions for themselves and their families when they're fully informed of all the risks and benefits associated with the possible options. This is Choice.


  1. I had an abortion over 10 years ago. I should have been the poster child for PP. I was young married with two you children and a very sick husband. There was no way I was capable to handle another one. But Oops, it happens right? And there I was. I had both eyes open, fully aware of what I was doing. I was not harassed by either side. No one telling me inside that I was better off not being pregnant and no one outside telling me I was a whore and going to Hell. I had the most wonderful staff and the doctor talked to me and made sure this was MY decision. From where your reading I should be a well adjusted ( now) a mother of three with this little memory well in the past. Sadly its not. I have had problems with this for the past 8 years now. Depression, anger, shame, and numerous suicide attempts. It took a long time to stop hating myself for what I CHOSE to do. I still catch myself thinking about it. I have just shots of memory from it. something will trigger a memory, a smell, noise or seeing a newborn. That is the untold story of this debate. what does a woman go through AFTER the abortion. Trust me neither OR or PP care about the woman after the abortion. I can say that I am neither pro choice or pro life. Its just too raw for me. I would tell a woman who was thinking about it to know she is going to be changed by this. She would be needing help afterward and I would hold their hand through what ever choice they made. To say that this is” just a procedure”, and ” no big deal” is cruel to the countless women who suffer with out help or care. I can say this, I would not have another one, period. I could not live with myself..I guess that I get mad when people who have never stepped into an abortions clinic make it sound like it is just a walk in the park. do they really think that there is laughing, high fives and ” boy we dodged that bullet.”? Well its not. you sit there alone. For security reasons they do not allow someone there with you. ( at least not in this state.) No one is talking. it is the most depressive and sad atmosphere. You just wait, wait for your ride, your prescriptions, and for the nurse to give the OK for you to leave. Trust me you want to get out of there. but no one thinks about the woman ( and yes men too) after “it”. its not something you advertise even to your closest girl friends. . I can tell you I have talked to my husband once about it, and never to any of my friends, though one did figure it out.
    This is not just about the right to choose, it is so much more. I have never met a woman who said ” its no big deal, its just a bunch of cells.” Now I have heard men say that.
    No one wants to hear from woman about what lead them to the clinic, or what happened after and how they handled it after Both sides just want to toe their respective lines and keep up the good fight. Do you think either side really cares about women or are they just collateral? While there are many women who ( in some cases) regret, others (who do not),but most are silently suffering and do not know that there are resources out there for them. I have never met or heard anyone say that they were the same person coming out of that clinic as they were going in.

  2. Regan, I am so so so sorry to read about your experience. I hope you don't think it wrong of me, but I would like to offer a suggestion to you.

    First, and most important, there is a pro-voice group called Exhale. Exhale is there to listen to women after they have an abortion.

    I really think it would be a good idea for you to talk to someone at Exhale. It worries me that you said you do not have anyone to talk to about your abortion, even though you've been depressed by it. I really think having someone to speak to would be beneficial.

    As for what women feel after an abortion, there are a range of emotions that are possible. You might want to refer to my earlier post: Each woman has a different situation. While some women feel regret and sadness like you said you feel, other women feel relief and don't have the pain you have. To some women, it is "no big deal" and I respect their feelings just as much as I respect yours.

    I do think that prochoicers care about women after abortion. Antichoicers have their own version of care, such as the Rachel's Vineyard ( As each woman is different, each woman responds to different type of after-abortion care.

    However, there are always ways to improve. But the only way to improve is to know where your shortcoming are. Women who abort, and then want counseling or someone to speak with or just to know they're not alone are in the best position to ask abortion related organizations and clinics for support.

    Some clinics are working towards better support. In New York City there is an abortion doula program, where doulas are in the room during the procedure to hold hands and make sure the women are comfortable ( This is just one way that women can be helped during and after the abortion.

    Everything in our lives changes us. You will not be the same person leaving high school as you were entering; you will not be the same person giving birth as when you got pregnant; you will not be the same person in a marriage as you were going into a marriage. Abortion is another part of life that affects who you are.

  3. I thank you for not attacking me for my post.I have had the pleasure of having the help of Rachel's vineyard and I can say they literally saved my life.I have been getting better as time goes on.And I am do happy to hear about the doulas in NYC. You did touch on some thing that I would like to clarify. You talked about high school, marriage and so forth. I have to say that I can not equate those times to my abortion. I have both terrible memories of High school,but also wonderful times. My marriage, like all marriages, have had our ups and downs. My husband is chronically ill and I have almost lost him 4 times. but I have both positive and negative memories. I can sigh at the bad and then laugh at the good. I can't say that with my abortion. I did have a wonderful doctor she wouldn't begin until she was satisfied that this was my choice and I was not being "made" to do it. I guess it like soldier coming home from war,you have to go through it to really see what it does.It changes you in your core. And not everyone is like me, I know. but the message from both sides I get is "pro-choice, pro-life once you get one shut the hell up." And I guess that is the biggest problem I am facing now.No one on either side wants to hear from the women that have had to make this choice. And don't even get me started on the men chiming in.Ya buddy like you are ever going to be put in those stir-ups!
    thank you again for letting me post. Like I said I am neither pro or anti. I truly pray for all the woman facing the "choice" and whatever they chose.

  4. This is an amazing post, and an amazing blog at that. It's so inspirational to be reading a post about Pro-Choice lifestyle from a Christian Woman. Because Christians have a bad rep out there in regards to the whole topic. I look forward to reading what you have up your sleeve next. I myself just composed a piece in regards to Planned Parenthood and the undercover investigations Lila Rose just conducted.
    Anyway, have a great day! hope to hear back from you.

  5. Thanks Nichole! I actually wrote a piece after being inspired by Planned Parenthood's recent problems, I'll have to post it!

  6. Regan, I am so sorry to hear about your experience. I am so glad that you got the help you needed from Rachel's Vineyard. There's another resource that I think might be helpful to you. It's called "Silent No More" ( It encourages women to speak out about their experiences with abortion. It might help you to hear the stories from other women on there (they have several videos posted). Many of the stories are similar to yours.

    God bless, and know that there are many, many people praying for you, myself included.

  7. I think the slogan "Its a child not a choice" sums it up best. Best of luck to you Regan, I hope your healing continues.

    As for you, Christian Prochoicer, your hyporcracy is bottomless. You believe in abortion on demand, for any reason. Your little statement on choice leaves out one thing.

    "Trusting women to make the best decisions for themselves and their families when they're fully informed of all the risks and benefits associated with the possible options"

    You need to add "And dont worry about that small human growing inside of you, its not part of your family until it comes out. You can kill your family if that is the best decision for your family."

    Prochoice Christian. Do you support random murder as well? If I told you over 340,000 infants were killed by pit bulls last year I bet you'd be first in line to sign the "eradicate all pit bulls" petition. Yet you support this industry of death.

    I bet your converting people by the dozen to Christ with your "its ok to Kill if it makes your life easier" message.

  8. Josh, I am totally and completely against murder.
    I'm also against infanticide.

    I am not against pit bulls, though. It's a poor thing that the breed gets so much attention when it's how the dogs are raised that matters. Some of the most loving dogs I know are pit bulls.

  9. "I am totally and completely against murder.
    I'm also against infanticide."

    Abortion kills a living human, in the simplest terms, an infant. How is this consistent?

  10. In the simplest terms: a fetus is not an infant.

  11. Then what is a fetus ~ a rock?

  12. When faced with a moral decision, I like to ask myself WWJD (What would Jesus Do?) Then though prayer and studying God's Word (the Bible) I find my answer. So seriously, as a "Christian" how in the world can you believe that Jesus would support abortion. Abortion is ending a LIFE that HE has created!!!

    My prayer for you Christian Prochoicer is that you seriously spend some time getting to know your creator, GOD. Read His WORD, The Bible! Pray! May your eyes be opened to the TRUTH!

  13. "There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to Him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood..."

  14. It is not called a "fetus shower" but a "baby shower". In the simplest terms: a fetus is a baby.

  15. Yes, a baby shower... because you get gifts for the baby. Fetuses do not need diapers, clothing, bottles or stuffed animals.

  16. Whatever Christian Prochoicer ~ I get it. Your delusional thinking that the unborn baby is NOTHING of worth (garbage really, because that is what they do to the aborted baby ~ throw her/him into the garbage) is what helps you sleep at night. Go ahead and live the lie.

  17. Why are antichoice people so willing to put words in my mouth? I do not think fetuses are garbage.

  18. Pro-life people are not putting words into your mouth, just stating the obvious. Just like garbage is worth nothing ~ the aborted baby is treated as such ~ worthless ~ why else would you support abortion that does just that ~ treat the unborn baby as garbage. The unborn baby is destroyed ~ dismembered really ~ then thrown into the trash. What value do you place on the unborn baby if not worthless?

  19. The unborn human fetus is a living human. Do you agree?

  20. Why," yes" I do Andrew! Sadly some people believe that the unborn baby is expendable, nothing of worth, not worthy of life. How incredibly sad for someone who claims to be a Christian to value so little one of God's most precious creation!

  21. I should have been more clear. I was addressing Christian Prochoicer, but thanks for your answer. :-)

  22. I was just affirming you :)

  23. No, that's NOT choice. It's discrimination because men have NO post-conception reproductive choice whatsoever. Men should and must be given the same choice women have to opt out of parenthood during the first trimester. It's her body and her choice, and it should be her responsiblity to choose abortion, adoption, or to raise.

    Let's stop this disgusting discrimination against men and give women AND men post-conception reproductive choice.

  24. She also gets to choose whether she'll wear her hair up or down, or whether she'll wear jeans or a dress. Really, who cares about all those mundane "choices" you've mentioned. Prochoice is about abortion. Try to keep up.

    I'm glad Regan wrote and shared her story. Must have been hard for you prochoicer to pretend that you actually give a damn. Surprised you didn't delete her post seeing as it doesn't fit in with your "abortion is no big deal" one size fits all view.