Parenting: what really matters

Going a bit off topic here, but not very far.

As I participate in the birthing community, I see a lot of discussion and topics about stuff. Items that women need or want, or items that infants need or want. Cribs, outfits, nursing tops, chairs, bras, toys and bottles, among other things. I'm sure, with an infant or toddler in the house, these are very important things. But are these the things that really matter?

Probably the second most talked about subject is life-style choices. Is one going to breastfeed or formula feed? Is one going to do co-sleeping, or does junior have a crib? Is one going to baby-wear or own a stroller? These too are surely important things to discuss, especially among partners. It's always helpful to gain knowledge by discussing with friends as well. But again, I ask, are these the things that really matter?




I can tell you that I don't know if I was breastfeed or not. I don't know if my cord was clamped right after birth or if my parents waited. I don't know if my mother did cloth diapers or disposables; I don't know if she co-slept or baby-wore or participated in CIO.

I do know that she was there for me as a young child, and that she loves me.


At the end of the day, your baby doesn't care about the little details. The important thing is that YOU are there for him/her. You, as the parent, need to spend quality time with your child(ren). As much fun as it is to sit and read blogs all day while your young one plays quietly nearby... is that how you want his/her young life to start? Is that how you want to be remembered?

Of course we cannot spend all day and all night playing and cuddling with babies. Some parents choose work, some parents get stressed out, and EVERYONE needs sleep! Nevertheless, some quality time spent with your child(ren) should be worked into everyday. Some days you might have more time than others. But it's that participation and connection that matters!

What Prochoice means to me.

Prochoice is not pro-abortion.

I don't know how anyone could get the two things mixed up. Prochoice is about sooo sooo sooooooo much more than just abortion. It's about a woman's right to choose. It's about reproductive choices and freedoms.

For me, being prochoice is about a woman's right to choose whether she wants to be pregnant in the first place. That means having access to contraceptives and the education on how to use them, as well as information about abstinence and how to refrain from sex when you're pressured to do it.

Prochoice is about a woman's right to choose whether she wants to stay pregnant. That means having access to abortion and prenatal health care, as well as a support system for the woman regardless of which choice she makes.

Prochoice is about a woman's right to give birth how and with who she wants. That means access to health care, midwives, OB/GYNs, doulas and information for all the above choices. That means education (not just 1 day hospital classes) about childbirth, the interventions offered and their risks, and how to fight for your own well being as well as the well being of the child.

Prochoice is about being able to choose whether to actually be a parent, or to give up a child for adoption. That means access to information about adoption and parenting. That means fighting for adoption reform so that adoption isn't so expensive and doesn't take so long to happen. It means recognizing that there are waiting lists for some types of children and an overabundance of other types of children.

Prochoice is about choosing HOW you parent. Do you want to breastfeed or formula feed? Do you want to co-sleep or allow your child to sleep in it's own room? Are you going to use cloth diapers or disposables? Are you going to babywear? What are your rights as a working parent? ALL these choices require the person to be INFORMED about their rights and their choices.

Where does all this education come from? Hopefully parents play an important role. But we cannot ensure their participation. Education must happen where it can be controlled as science-based and factual; in the schools. And the education must extend beyond the topic covered here. It must go into gender roles, marriage, respect, puberty, and so much more.

Prochoice is about a lot more than just abortion.

Parental communication

There is one thing that is often talked about which makes me angry.

The relationship and communication between parents and their children (usually teenagers).

The cries on the prolife/conservative side often ring to the turn of "government is taking away my right to parent how I want!" or "they're teaching my kids things I don't agree!" or "They're letting my kid do stuff without my consent!"

I have just one thing to say to these parents: If you have a good relationship with your child, none of those things would effect that.

The fact that they are SO worried about public education and the government leads me to think they don't have a good relationship with their children. Instead of a loving, two way relationship, the parents want to control every aspect of their child's life. It's along the lines of "I speak, you listen, and it doesn't matter what you think or feel."

It's depressing.

Families are supposed to be the base unit (no matter who they're made up of). Parents and children are supposed to have very, very strong bonds. And yet, we can see that some parents don't have that bond with their children.


Now, I wasn't best friends with my mother. I didn't tell her every thing I did. But she knew anyway. She knew a general idea of what I was up to, who I was with, what I liked, what my goals were. We most certainly had disagreements. But she never forced her opinion on me. I was taught to think for myself and make good decisions.

Parents need to remember that children are PEOPLE and not robots. At some point, we'll leave the home nest- and if you haven't taught your kids to think for themselves, they're going to fail in life.


If you teach your child to be a self-thinker and they disagree with your opinions, don't become angry. Consider, instead, why they disagree. Consider their viewpoint. Consider their life experiences. Perhaps it's just a phase, and they'll grow out of it. But perhaps, just perhaps, you'll see the issue in a new light, and decide your previous opinion was wrong. That's perfectly okay.




So if you're honestly worried about public education teaching your kids something you don't agree with, or the government controlling your child-parent relationship, think about how you raised your kids. Are your children self-thinkers, or are they puppets which mime whatever they hear? Are your beliefs founded in logic, or are you too parroting what someone else told you? If your child is a self-thinker it doesn't matter what the teachers at school or the senators on the TV say- she'll make the right decisions.